Dirk and Josh
This call appears on Longmont Potion Castle Volume 9. Call Transcript Josh: (Voicemail Recording) Yes, hello. My name is Joshua Smith. I write music and I want to know who can I can talk to to get money to (unintelligible words) become famous. So please call me back. My name is Joshua Smith. Alright. Bye. … Phone Ringing Josh's Mom: (to an unknown third person) It's a private number. Josh’s Mom: Hello? LPC: Yeah, put Joshua on. ' Josh’s Mom: Why are you trying to get in touch with him? '''LPC: I’m not. ' Josh’s Mom: You’re not? 'LPC: No. ' Josh’s Mom: No? 'LPC: I’m Dirk. Put Josh on. ' Josh’s Mom: You know what, don’t call my phone again and regardless of whether you’re calling from a private number or not, I’ll still find out where you’re numbers coming from. Let me catch you talking to my son again. 'LPC: You won’t. ' Josh’s Mom: Well, good. Don’t call then. 'LPC: I won’t. ' Josh’s Mom: Good. Bye. Phone Hangup …'' ''Phone Ringing Josh’s Mom: Hello. '''LPC: Is Josh there? Josh’s Mom: Look here Dirk. Is that your real name? LPC: Yes. Dirk. ''' Josh’s Mom: You ain’t Dirk. With a name like that, I think that you need to commit suicide. '''LPC: I’m Dirk. Josh’s Mom: If you are, something’s wrong with your momma for naming you Dirk. Go call your momma and talk to your momma. LPC: You talk to her. ' Josh’s Mom: Put her on the phone. I’d gladly talk to her. '''LPC: I’m talking to you. ' Josh’s Mom: I’m talking to you. Put her on the phone. I’d gladly talk to her. 'LPC: Put Josh on. ' Josh’s Mom: I ain’t putting Josh on. You ain’t talking to Josh. How about that? Hold on. Josh’s Mom: (To Officer Feeley) Can you tell him to leave my phone alone? Officer Feeley: (To Josh’s Mom) Is he on here right now? Josh’s Mom: (To Officer Feeley) Yes. His name’s Dirk. Officer Feeley: Dirk? 'LPC: Yeah. ' Officer Feeley: Yeah. This is the (town name) police officer Feeley. Alright. You need to stop calling this phone number, OK? What you are doing is against the law. If you continue to call this phone number after I’ve told you to stop, I mean… we’re going to pursue charges, OK? 'LPC: Not OK. ' Officer Feeley: No? Well, are you going to stop calling? 'LPC: No. ' Officer Feeley: No? Alright. Well, keep it up and we’ll hand it from there. OK? '''LPC: Nah. You won’t. Officer Feeley: No? LPC: No. ' Officer Feeley: What’s wrong with you Dirk? You OK? '''LPC: No. ' Officer Feeley: No? You have anything else to say other than no? 'LPC: Put Josh on the phone. ' Officer Feeley: Who? 'LPC: Josh. ' Officer Feeley: There is no Josh. Josh’s Mom: (To Officer Feeley) Josh is my son. Officer Feeley: (To Josh’s Mom) That’s your son? Josh’s Mom: (To Officer Feeley) He’s a minor. Officer Feeley: (To Josh’s Mom) OK. Who’s phone is this? Josh’s Mom: (To Officer Feeley) That’s my phone. Officer Feeley: (To Josh’s Mom) That’s your phone? Josh’s Mom: (To Officer Feeley) And he keeps calling from a private number. Officer Feeley: (To Josh’s Mom) So you can’t tell what number he’s calling from? Yeah you can. We’ll find out. Officer Feeley: Dirk, stop calling this phone. Phone Hangup …'' ''Phone Ringing Josh’s Mom: Hello. 'LPC: Hi. Put Joshua on. ' Josh’s Mom: Who is this? 'LPC: Dirk. ' Josh’s Mom: Okay, Dirk. Where do you know Josh from? '''LPC: We sing together. Josh’s Mom: Y’all sing together? LPC: Yup. ''' Josh’s Mom: How old are you Dirk? '''LPC: Eleven. Josh’s Mom: You ain’t no damn eleven. Let me tell you something. You’re playing stupid, foolish games. And do not call — call my son period. And if you do, then I’m gonna call the police. LPC: Put Joshua on. ' Josh’s Mom: Fucking bitch. ''Phone Hang Up …'' ''Phone Ringing of a high-pitch synth voice Josh’s Mom: Hello? 'LPC: Hey, Joshua. ' Josh’s Mom: No! It’s not! It’s his mother. of a high-pitch synth voice '''How do I sound? Josh’s Mom: You gonna keep calling my damn phone? LPC: Just tell me how good I sound! ' Josh’s Mom: No! of a high-pitch synth voice You know what? You’re full of shit. ''Phone Hang Up …'' ''Phone Ringing Josh’s Mom: Hello. 'LPC: Hi. Put Joshua on. ' Josh’s Mom: Dirk. What don’t you understand about calling my motherfucking phone, dude? 'LPC: Here, listen to me sing. ' of a synth voice in two notes that ascend in pitch Josh’s Mom: You know what? You’re full of shit. Ok? I’m letting you know, I’ve already had a problem with you before. Stop calling my fucking phone. 'LPC: I’m a good singer. ' Phone Hang Up …'' ''Phone Ringing high-pitched notes from the synth voice Josh’s Mom: Hello? high-pitched notes from the synth voice, ascending in pitch Josh’s Mom: What in the hell do you want, Dirk? 'LPC: Just listen to me sing! ' Josh’s Mom: What part are you not getting? high pitched notes from the synth voice Josh’s Mom: Huh? '''LPC: What? Josh’s Mom: What part are you not getting’? LPC: What part are you not gi’in? ''' Josh’s Mom: The fuckin’… Well what the fuck is your name on Facebook? Because that’s where you got it from. So you don’t care about the authorities, I guess. Right? '''LPC: Listen, I… Josh’s Mom: You think I’m playing games with you? Do you think I’m playing games with you? 'LPC: You waving your magic wand at me? ' Josh’s Mom: You know what? You sound like a faggot. Phone Hang Up Category:Music